We come across sweet sentimental statements like, “The right person for you will accept you as you are.”
Um.. Well, while there’s some truth in this statement, there are certain traits that you can’t overlook when you’re choosing a man you want to get married to.
After all, marriage isn’t a walk in the park on a sunny day; it’s more like a hike on a mountain trail with uncertain weather.
You need the right partner who’s not just up for the journey but is also equipped with the right traits to navigate the challenging parts of the hike.
And while everyone has quirks and differences that make them unique, certain behaviors are key indicators of potential issues down the line (aka deal breakers).
The goal isn’t to find perfection, but to steer clear of patterns that could harm you or your marriage in the long run.
1. The “Perpetual Mama’s Boy”
You’ve heard the saying, “The way a man treats his mother is a strong indicator of how he will treat his partner,” right?
However, there’s a fine line between respecting one’s mother and being a Mama’s Boy.
Perpetual Mama’s Boys are men who, no matter how old they get, still rely heavily on their mothers for decision making, emotional support, and sometimes, even basic chores.
Imagine this scenario: you’ve made dinner plans together, but he cancels at the last minute because his mom has cooked his favorite dish.
Or, worse, you’re trying to plan your future, but his mom’s opinions carry more weight than yours. In the long run, this kind of dynamic can cause rifts in your relationship.
You don’t just marry the man, you marry his family too. However, the family shouldn’t become a third wheel in your relationship.
A strong, independent man should be able to stand his ground, respect his mother, and simultaneously prioritize his partner’s feelings.
2. The Chronic Cheater
This one’s a red flag on fire.
If he has a history of being unfaithful, or worse, if he has cheated on you, beware. Don’t brush this off as a mere mistake or a one-time thing.
This speaks volumes about his character and attitude towards relationships.
Cheating is a choice, not a mistake. It signifies a lack of respect, trust, and commitment – all crucial elements of a strong, lasting marriage.
You might think you can change him or that he will change for you, but remember: old habits die hard.
Without a serious commitment to change and actions that back up that promise, you could be setting yourself up for repeated heartbreak.
Trust your gut. Trust the patterns, not empty promises. If he cheated once, it might happen again. You deserve a partner who cherishes your relationship enough not to risk it.
3. The Emotionally Unavailable Man
With the Emotionally Unavailable man, you might find yourself feeling alone in the relationship. You’re there, but are you really seen, heard, or valued?
Emotional availability is about openness, vulnerability, and the ability to connect at a deeper level.
But a man who is emotionally unavailable might resist discussing feelings, opening up, or discussing the future.
You might notice him distancing himself when things get serious, or refusing to discuss his thoughts and feelings about important matters.
This emotional detachment can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported. And believe me, that’s a cold place to be in a relationship.
Marriage is about partnership and emotional support. If you cannot rely on him for emotional support or connect on a deeper level, consider whether this relationship is truly fulfilling your needs.
4. The Financially Irresponsible
Listen, we all have our share of financial ups and downs. It’s normal. What’s not normal, however, is a man who consistently shows signs of financial irresponsibility.
The Financially Irresponsible man could have an unending stream of debt, a careless attitude towards saving, or a tendency to splurge impulsively without thinking about consequences.
While you might be drawn to his spontaneous, carefree lifestyle initially, this recklessness can lead to serious problems in the future. According to research money issues are among the top reasons for conflict in marriages.
Remember, when you marry someone, your financial lives become entwined.
Hence, it’s important to be with someone who understands the value of money, can balance spending and saving, and is willing to plan for a shared future.
5. The “Constant Critic”
Then there’s The Constant Critic. This man always has something negative to say about what you do, how you look, what you believe in, and so on.
He might disguise it as “honesty”, “sarcasm”, or “just teasing”, but let’s call it what it is – constant criticism.
Everyone has the right to their opinion, but when criticism becomes a habit, it chips away at your self-esteem and sense of worth.
You might find yourself constantly trying to please him or change yourself to fit his ideal image.
Remember, in a healthy relationship, your partner should uplift you, not bring you down. They should love and accept you, and also correct you in love when there’s need. You’re not an art project to be refined and critiqued.
6. The “Abusive”
This one is non-negotiable. The Abusive man can show up in many forms – physical, emotional, or psychological abuse.
Regardless of the type, abuse is never okay. If a man belittles you, controls you, hurts you, or makes you feel small and unworthy, he is not the right one.
A loving partner should never cause you fear or harm. You should feel safe, respected, and cherished in your relationship.
No amount of apologies or promises can justify abusive behavior. It’s essential to recognize these signs and get out of the situation.
7. The “Unresolved Past”
We all have a past, don’t we? The thing with The Unresolved Past man is that he’s still emotionally entangled in his history.
It could be an ex he’s still hung up on, past traumas he hasn’t worked through, or destructive patterns he hasn’t addressed.
Such emotional baggage can take a toll on your relationship, and you may end up feeling like you’re in a relationship with his past rather than him.
Dealing with the ghosts of his past can be draining and might leave little room for your shared present and future.
While it’s not your partner’s fault to have a past, it is their responsibility to address it and not let it impact your relationship negatively.
8. The “Commitment-Phobic”
Oh, the notorious Commitment-Phobic man! You know the type. He’s all in for the fun and romance, but when it comes to serious talks about the future, he bolts.
He might fear losing his freedom, being tied down, or simply fear the responsibility that comes with a committed relationship.
But marriage is a commitment, a pretty significant one at that. If he’s not ready to commit, the relationship can become a roller-coaster ride of break-ups, make-ups, promises, and disappointments.
Remember, you can’t force someone to commit. It’s a decision they have to make for themselves. If he’s not ready, it’s better to know it sooner rather than later.
9. The Narcissist
There’s confidence, and then there’s narcissism. The Narcissist is a man whose world revolves around himself.
He believes he’s superior, craves admiration, lacks empathy, and often belittles others to feel better about himself.
Living with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging as it can lead to a one-sided relationship where your needs and feelings are often ignored or invalidated.
A marriage should be a partnership, a union of equals, not a hero-worship cult with him at the center. You deserve someone who values and respects you, not someone who uses you to feed their ego.
10. The Liar
This one might seem obvious, but it’s worth mentioning. If a man has a habit of lying, big or small, it’s a serious red flag.
Trust is a fundamental building block of any relationship. If that’s broken, it’s tough to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Dealing with a habitual liar can lead to a constant state of doubt and mistrust. You deserve a partner who respects you enough to be honest with you, even when the truth is hard.
How do I choose the right man to marry?
Choosing the right partner is a deeply personal decision that relies on many factors. The first and foremost is a strong foundation of respect, love, and shared values.
Your partner should make you feel safe, loved, and valued. He should respect your individuality and support your personal growth.
Additionally, look for someone who is willing to communicate openly and work through problems together. Life isn’t always sunshine and roses; it’s full of challenges.
The right man will be someone who can weather these challenges with you, who is willing to invest time and effort into resolving conflicts, and who makes a conscious effort to understand and meet your needs.
Moreover, shared life goals are important. Whether it’s about having children, where you want to live, or your career paths, having compatible life goals can make navigating the future together much easier.
Remember, no one is perfect. It’s about finding the person whose strengths balance your weaknesses and vice versa.
The right man is one who wants to grow with you, learn with you, and build a future together, not someone who fits a cookie-cutter ideal of “the perfect husband”.
How can I spot these types of men early in the relationship?
Great question! Early signs can sometimes be subtle, but if you pay attention, you can spot them.
For instance, the Chronic Cheater might be overly secretive about his phone or spend a lot of time with ‘friends’ you’ve never met.
The Perpetual Mama’s Boy could frequently reference his mother’s opinions or decisions, even in unrelated contexts. And the Financially Irresponsible man might frequently run into money troubles or make impulsive, expensive purchases.
Paying attention to his behavior, how he treats others, and how he handles challenges can reveal these tendencies.
What if I’m already married and realize my husband falls into one of these categories?
It’s never too late to address these issues. The first step is open communication. Discuss your concerns honestly and clearly.
Sometimes, people aren’t aware of their behavior until it’s pointed out to them. If he’s willing to change and works towards it, that’s a good sign.
However, if he dismisses your concerns or refuses to change, it might be time to consider professional help like marriage counseling or therapy. You have the right to feel loved, respected, and secure in your relationship.
While nobody is perfect, some behaviors are clear red flags. Remember, the goal isn’t to find a flawless man, but a man who respects, loves, and cherishes you. A man who is willing to grow, change, and build a shared future with you. Don’t settle for anything less.
- All photos from freepik.com