It’s no secret that every man (or woman) wants to be more attractive. After all, being more attractive will make it easier for you to get into a relationship with someone you desire.
But the problem usually is that most of us believe that being attractive is about genetics. It’s either you’re attractive or you’re not, or so they think.
The truth is, there are so many ways you can be more attractive without winning the genetic lottery. And in this article, you’ll learn several things you can do to make yourself appear more physically attractive. And the great news is, anyone, regardless of looks can apply these methods and get great results.
None of the methods involve burning yourself out in the gym, changing your diet, spending money on fashion, or getting plastic surgery. Though some may be directed to guys alone, they only involve simple changes in your behavior.
Use emotional contagion
One of the most charismatic and attractive things you can do is to be more enthusiastic.
Here’s why: Most women, or people in general, live very mundane, boring lives. Every day they follow the same routine. And they desperately crave the experience of feeling strong positive emotions like excitement, joy, and happiness.
When you come in with a high level of enthusiasm as you interact with people, you snap them out of their boring routine and give them doses of the feeling that they crave. The law of state transference comes into play.
The law of state transference or emotional contagion suggests that the person with the dominant emotional state will make others feel the same way in any interaction. So when a man talks to women all happy and enthusiastic, he makes them feel the same way. You take them out of their boring state and give them doses of the strong positive emotion that they crave. As psychologist and Sherrie Bourg Carter Psy.D. explained about emotional contagion in Psychology Today,
“When people catch positive emotions from others, they’re more likely to be viewed by others and view themselves as more cooperative and competent…Simply put, when you hang out with happy people, you tend to feel happier, have more energy, and feel less stressed.”
Think about it. Chances are you’ve come across someone or people, usually leaders, who are always super enthusiastic and full of life and energy when they socialize. Recall how amazing it was to interact with that person? Didn’t you feel drawn to them?
Conversely, when we interact with people with low energy. It doesn’t matter how good they look. If they appear dull, unmotivated, lazy, and unenthusiastic, they sap the energy and fun out of the conversation. And this will in turn drastically reduce their desirability.
The problem with being indecisive
Since the caveman and cavewoman days, females have always been drawn to leaders. This is why in those days the caveman who led the tribe had the highest number of sexual partners.
This means that a nice and quick way to be more attractive to women is to be a leader. And one of the most practical ways to position yourself as a leader in a woman’s eyes today is to simply make decisions. As a relationship coach, Marni Kinry put it,
“Decision-making signals strength of character, authority, and leadership and almost immediately makes you more attractive to women. Indecision, on the other hand, creates the opposite effect.”
Here’s the gist of the matter:
The major problem people face with being decisive is perfectionism. Most guys think if they are out with a girl and she asks them the color of the shirt she should buy, they have to pick the perfect one, so they freeze.
But the thing is, when a woman ask for your opinion, she is not asking you to give the perfect one. She just wants to be led. Hence, when there’s a decision to be made, select an option or point of view and simply say it out. Don’t get stuck in weighing the pros and cons, the ifs and the buts, just pick something. Make her look at you as the leader.
If, for instance, you’re about to ask a girl out, being decisive in this case will mean telling her exactly where you want to go and when. If she has problems with the logistics, you guys can then decide what to do.
Use the beautiful mess effect
One of the biggest things that keep you from being attractive is your insecurities about your flaws. So many men ― and women ― tend to be insecure about a variety of things like their height, their income, body type, their penis size, their weight, etc. And they think they are bound to be judged negatively due to these flaws.
But the truth is, women usually judge or reject men based on their flaws when the men are insecure about them. In fact, they only care about your flaws in the first place when you seem to care about them. A 2019 study called this the “beautiful mess” effect. As the researchers explained in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
“Often, there’s a mismatch between how people perceive their vulnerabilities and how others interpret them. We tend to think showing vulnerability makes us seem weak, inadequate, and flawed — a mess. But when others see our vulnerability, they might perceive something quite different, something alluring.”
Women simply want a man who’s at peace with all aspects of himself, a man who’s comfortable with who he is regardless of his shortcomings. A man who is comfortable and happy with who he is shows massive self-confidence and strength of character, and these two qualities make men extremely attractive to women.
It doesn’t matter if he’s 5’6, has average looks, or makes enough money to get by. If he is at peace and happy with himself, most women won’t care about it that much.
On the other hand, if a man gets deeply insecure about his shortcomings and starts to think of himself as unworthy and unlovable, a woman will quickly pick this up in his non-verbal cues.
The takeaway from all these is that you must own your flaws to be perceived as more attractive. Your flaws don’t matter unless you place a high value on them. It’s human to be flawed. Instead of being insecure about your flows,
- Make a list of what you think are your shortcomings
- Ask which one you can fix or change, and take practical steps to fix them. If for instance you have crooked teeth and you’re insecure about it, you can always have dental work done and get it fixed in a few months
- Learn to be grateful for the good and less than perfect aspects of your life. If the feeling of thankfulness doesn’t come naturally, learn to cultivate it. The reason you should be grateful for your flaws (if you can’t change them) is that gratitude and insecurity cannot coexist. If you’re comfortable with your flaws, you can’t be insecure about them.
Why playfulness can make you desirable
Playfulness is at the heart of being charismatic and attractive. People who tend not to take things too personally or seriously have a nice sense of humor and they possess a massive advantage in social interactions.
Someone playful is more likely to spark a deep sense of rapport because their lightness and openness will make whoever they are interacting with more comfortable. This is perhaps why all the fictional characters on TV and movies who are supposed to represent the ultimate ladies man (men like James Bond, Don Draper, Hank Moody) are all very playful in their interactions. They always keep the interaction fun and light-hearted.
Of course, you may not pull this off as perfectly in real life as it is in the movies, but regardless, it still reveals a truth about human nature. Maybe it’s still the “state transference” effect in play. Think about it. Would you prefer to hang out with someone playful who makes you forget about the seriousness and banality of life or someone whose so serious they look like they carry the burden of the world on their shoulders?
The most important thing about being a playful person is that it communicates that you’re not worried or under any kind of pressure to please or impress anybody. Your comfortable energy will also make people feel free and comfortable around you.
Final thoughts
Attractiveness is basically confidence plus wellbeing. You may decide to display these two things by being decisive, fun to be around, or by just looking strong and healthy. But the bottom line is, we are drawn to people who display what we would like to become.
Indeed, you may not have the best looks, but one thing is sure, being insecure about anything concerning yourself will not make you any more attractive. Ownership and confidence, on the other hand, will always add more points to your favor. Remember, people see us through our eyes.