According to psychologist and relationship coach, Dr. Antonio Borrello, the most common lies that men tell women are lies of omission. For instance, your boyfriend might tell you about a great restaurant where he’s having lunch but leaves out the part where he’s there because he’s on a date with another woman.
A man might lie about the way he feels to win you over. Sometimes he will lie to make himself look better. Indeed, these lies are manipulative and hurtful, but they can also be easy to spot if you know the signs.
However, it’s not every single time you hear these words that a man is lying. The point of this article is that most of the time men say these things, they are either exaggerating, omitting, or outrightly lying about it. That said, here are four subtle lies from different videos Dr. Antonio has posted on the topic.
The “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before” lie
This is something a guy will often say at the beginning of a relationship, usually before the couple will have sex. It is a man’s attempt to come to you very quickly, usually during the first date, and tries his best to charm you by telling you things that every woman wants to hear.
He tells you things like “I’ve never met anyone like you.” Or, “Where have you been all my life? If I had met you a few years back, we would be married by now.” If you’re on your first date, or still at the beginning of your relationship when the man doesn’t know you yet and a man he’s already telling you things like this, he’s most likely lying. As Dr. Antonio put it,
“Sure, he may be attracted to you, but all the things he’s saying are fairy tales. If a man says too many sweet things so that you quickly feel safe with him, he’s probably in a hurry for a reason.”
If he really cares about you, there shouldn’t be any rush of compliments about things he’s not sure of yet. If he’s not in a hurry to get something from you, he should at least wait to know you first before saying “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him.”
The “I’m going through a divorce” lie
As Antonio explained, sometimes you meet a man of your dreams and he seems to be everything you could ever want in a person. And luckily for you, he feels the same way too. He texts you, calls you, and invites you out on dates.
However, the only problem is that he is married and has children. But he reassures you that he doesn’t love his wife anymore and that he is in the process of getting a divorce. As Anthonio put it, “Sometimes the man will even reassure you that he sleeps in a separate bedroom with his wife.”
Why is he telling you this?
Well, he likes you and is attracted to you. Quite right. But he wants you to be his mistress. If you fall for his lie, he will promise you that one day, he will divorce his wife. But until then, he will see you whenever he can escape from his wife.
Don’t get caught up in this drama. According to Dr. Antonio, in most cases where this scenario plays out, his wife and children have no idea that you exist, and divorce has never been a topic for conversation. And the hard truth is, most times a divorce will not happen. You’ll end up wasting precious years of your life being his mistress.
As Antonio advised, if he continues to chase you, you will have to set an important boundary. If he wants you, he should first get divorced and live as a single man. Then you can consider talking to him.
The “I’m too busy” lie
Imagine the following scenario as narrated by Dr. Antonio
You begin dating a man who is very career-oriented and successful. His schedule is rather packed with important things like work, colleagues, traveling, friends, etc. He is so busy, but he is making time to text you and spend time with you.
He is planning wonderful dates and making you a priority. It seems flattering because he is such a great catch and he seems to be making out time to spend with you. The first few weeks of dating go very well and you feel like he is genuinely interested in you, and you’re really into him.
Just when he knows you’re now into him, he suddenly becomes a master of excuses. Now he’ll make plans with you and cancel them at the last minute with excuses like “I had to work late.”
He stops making plans and commitments towards you as he did before. Instead, he’ll call you at night at the last minute and ask to come over to see you. And because you know he is truly busy, you agree.
Here’s the thing: If you continue to allow this to happen, it will eventually become the norm and he will get used to making neither you nor the relationship a priority.
What do you do about this?
As Dr. Antonio advised, you have to set some boundaries with him and decide not to be available to him at the drop of a hat. Become more scarce and only see him if he is making an effort to develop the relationship by investing his time and effort into you.
You can’t allow him to call you late at night just for sex. He should be making an effort to spend quality time with you. The next time he tries to call at night to see you, you have to be strong enough to decline his offer.
Give an alternative that requires him to invest in the relationship. For instance, when he calls asking you to come over because he misses you, you can tell him something like “I miss you too. Can we meet this weekend? Let’s have some quality time where we can play a game, eat together, and have some fun.”
When you do this, you’re setting your standard and you’re telling him to meet them. And if he cares about you, he’ll step up and meet your standards.
The “I’ve been cheated on before” lie
According to Dr. Antonio, this is a common lie or manipulation that controlling people use to justify and excuse their jealous behavior. In his words, “They do it because they want you to feel sorry about the fact that they were cheated on and use that as justification for why they are so possessive and jealous.”
In other words, the man wants you to rationalize his possessive and insecure behavior. He understands that if he gives the excuse of being cheated on before, you won’t see his behavior as a display of insecurity. Instead, you will think to yourself, “I understand why he is so jealous. And you’ll fall into the trap of trying to prove to him that you’re trustworthy, thinking that in time, he will learn to trust you and stop acting jealous all the time.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that anytime a man complains about being cheated on before, it’s a lie. However, almost everyone has been cheated on at some point, and there are better ways that work better to handle the emotion than acting overprotective and insecure. As Dr. Antonio concluded, “If he keeps acting insecure even when you’ve given him no reason to, he’s probably using past heartbreaks to cover up his insecurity.”
Now that you’re aware of these four lies, you can use this knowledge to know if the man in your life has been manipulating you for his own advantage, or if he’s really a high-quality man with good intentions.
Every woman wants a loving, healthy, and beautiful relationship. If the man you’re dating uses these lies and excuses with you and you’re worried that he’s only using you to string along until something better comes, then it’s time to call him out on it. Remember you have to let go of bad relationships to give space for good ones.