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3. You’re trying to recreate earlier attachments
We all came into this world as blank slates. We had to learn everything we know from our surroundings.
And for most people, their parents or guardians formed a template for what they come to see as the standard in many areas of life, including relationships.
Studies show that some ladies look for a man that is similar to their father while men look for girls similar to their mother in relationships. And they do this as a subconscious attempt to recreate the earlier attachment style they had with their parents.
Recreating early attachment isn’t a bad thing if you had great parents. But the problem arises when you’re trying to create an unhealthy attachment style.
Maybe you had an unavailable parent, and now you’re an adult who always finds herself with emotionally unavailable men.
Or, maybe you’re a guy who was over pampered and now you’re an adult always looking for women who will give you that kind of attention your mum gave you.
If you’re trying to recreate an early attachment that wasn’t healthy for you, then you’re always going to end up in relationships that will lead to nowhere.
4. Emophilia
Someone who has emophilia falls in love too quickly. And those who fall in love too quickly also tend to fall out of love just as fast. And this is because what they felt at first wasn’t based on anything real. It’s usually either lust, infatuation, or emophilia.
As psychologist Theresa DiDonato Ph.D. explained in Psychology Today, people who have emophilia fall in love too quickly, and as such are prone to missing critical red flags and ending up in the wrong relationships.
Interesting: 7 Signs She’s The One
5. You don’t know what compatibility means
The relationship therapist Esther Perel explained to Lewis Howes in an interview that most people go for the wrong partners often because they only look for what attracts them to someone.
The right thing you should look at, as she explained, isn’t just someone to whom you’re attracted to, it should be someone you can build a life with.
Attraction can often be based on many ephemeral factors like your emotions or looks, all which you can get tired of.
Hence, the most important thing you should look out for, besides the attraction you feel towards someone, is whether or not your values align.
As Perel explained, in the long run, the alignment of your values will determine the smoothness of your marriage.
Conclusion
Sometimes marriages end because of unforeseen reasons. But there’s a lot you can do from your end to prevent your marriage from being part of the large percentage that end in divorce.
Set the right priorities, and make sure you’re not rushing things. People who don’t need a relationship to complete themselves often end up making the best partners.
Interesting: 9 Signs She’s Pretending to Love You
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