Maybe it started slowly. Maybe there were small verbal attacks directed at you that she claimed were jokes. Or maybe, out of the blue, your wife was holding a knife to your throat and screaming obscenities.
Now, I understand that the word “crazy” can mean a lot of things. What are you really trying to describe? Why did you call your wife crazy?
Some men believe their wives are crazy when they become grumpier than usual. They have mood swings and are smiling one minute and bawling their eyes out the next.
Other men conclude that their wife is crazy when the honeymoon phase ends and the calm, soft-spoken young lady they married turns out to be a controlling nag who is never satisfied with what they do.
Which is it for you?
Or do you mean your wife has lost her mind and could be a danger to herself and the people around her? If this is the case, you will need help from a clinical psychologist.
And that’s not the type of crazy we are talking about here. In this article, we’ll be using the former definition.
So she’s acting crazy and it’s stressing you out. You are wondering how to deal with a problem like this. Is there even a way to deal with it? Yes, here are seven ways to deal with a crazy wife.
1. Try to understand why
I am a woman, and I will be the first to admit that we can be a little over the top. However, there is always a reason.
There are many reasons why a woman could be acting crazy. She may be going through pre-menopause; it could be a work issue that she’s taking out on you at home; it could be pregnancy hormones; and many many more.
Or the problem could be you. Have you been a bit too caught up with work recently? Maybe you stopped giving her enough attention and she is behaving the way she is to get you to notice her again.
Experts say although men nag, women are more likely to nag, mostly because they are conditioned to feel more responsible for managing home and family life. When women ask for something and don’t get a response, they are quicker to realize something is wrong.
Having a conversation with your wife and trying to see things from her point of view and figure out why she is acting the way she is is very important.
Related: How to Handle A Manipulative Person
2. Two wrongs don’t make a right
I know the instinctual thing for you to do if your wife is acting out is to match her energy. Believe me, that is the worst thing you could do.
Instead, try to remain calm. If the situation is escalating, try to leave. Go to a place where you can calm down and get your emotions under control before you return to your wife.
Howard Markman, professor of Psychology at the University of Denver and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, says that nagging can become a prime contributor to divorce when couples start fighting rather than talking about the issue at the root of the nagging.
He says that while all couples deal with nagging at some point, those who learn to reduce this type of negative communication will substantially increase their odds of staying together and keeping love alive.
Whether it is by nagging or any other way your wife is driving you crazy, the answer is the same: remain calm.
3. Do not call her crazy
As much as you might be tempted to, do not ever call your wife crazy. While trying to successfully deal with your crazy wife, you must not harm her; neither physically nor mentally.
Generally, as a human, you need to be mindful of the things you say to people because, although what you said might mean nothing to you, it might stick with the other person for a lifetime.
Calling your wife crazy will only escalate an already fragile situation. You will put her on the defensive and she will want to go to the extreme to prove she’s not crazy.
Calling her crazy will also make her feel she doesn’t understand her own emotions. She will start to assume that the problem is how she reacted and not what upset her.
Everyone has the right to express their emotions, and there is nothing wrong with her being upset. So, when, because of your words, she starts to question her feelings, you are putting her through a form of mental abuse.
This in no way means that you should be a pushover and allow your wife to say whatever she likes to you. However, in communicating your feelings, be mindful of hers.
4. Try to help out more
One of the biggest reasons why wives tend to act crazy is because they feel overburdened. They do a lot of work at their workplace and come home to work a bit more. The stress of it all gets to them.
Your wife shouldn’t be doing so much work that she feels stressed. You probably can’t do much to relieve her stress at her workplace, but you can help at home.
If there’s a lot of housework, it should be shared evenly between you two. Also, don’t think of it as ‘helping out’, think about it as taking care of the home you share.
Also, you could ask her about what is stressing her out. Sometimes, all we need is someone to talk to. Be that someone.
You might be thinking, “I also deal with a lot of stress at work, and I don’t make a big deal out of it!” Remember that, apart from the fact that the average woman has to deal with a lot more things than the average man, people are also configured to deal with stress differently.
If she wants to talk about it, listen.
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5. Set boundaries and ground rules
No, not just for her, but for you as well. If something you do is constantly making her act crazy, then she should set a ground rule that covers that. You can also set boundaries and ground rules for how she communicates your wrongdoings to you.
These boundaries have to be clear and well-defined. Dr. Chad Buck from the Vanderbilt University Medical Center says that an effective boundary is neither too rigid nor too loose. It offers protection while still keeping you connected; it offers structure, and it offers you choices rather than obligations or expectations.
There are different types of boundaries, including physical boundaries, family boundaries, technological boundaries, and financial boundaries. Any of these could work, or you could set some tailored to your relationship.
The bottom line is that for this to work out, you both have to develop mutual respect.
6. Give her attention
Have you forgotten about date night recently? When was the last time you paid your wife a compliment? When was the last time you brought her flowers?
There is a problem if there was a pause before you were able to answer the last two questions.
You know things were different when you were courting your wife. You know you put in more effort. You shouldn’t stop just because you got her.
Lack of attention in a marriage is the same as a lack of communication. According to experts, talking together, sharing jokes, and spending quality time together are guaranteed ways to maintain and strengthen your connection with your wife.
If your wife feels connected to you, she is more likely to share when something is bothering her.
If she feels that she can calmly talk to you about something you did wrong and you will try to change, she is less likely to ‘act crazy’.
People hear therapy and think it is synonymous with divorce. It is not. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association, nearly 75% of couples who opt for therapy say it improves their relationships.
The goal of therapy is to reduce conflict and increase intimacy. Don’t avoid seeking professional help if things are getting out of control.
Having to think “why is my wife crazy?” or Google “how to deal with a crazy wife” can be frustrating. Enroll yourself in couples therapy.
When you got married, you made a life-long commitment. If things are getting hard, you owe it to yourself and your wife to invest in the peace of mind that a couple’s counselor can offer. You shouldn’t feel bad about acknowledging the imperfections and trying to fix them.
It is awesome that you are trying to fix the problem rather than just giving up on your wife. Be there for her in any way that you can.
Remember that if your wife is going through a tough time, she needs you more than ever. Also, if it turns out that your differences are irreconcilable, you can be satisfied knowing that you tried your best.
Also read: How To Make Your Relationship Last Long-Term