Let’s get real.
Most of the things we do in social interactions revolve around impressing people (especially the opposite sex).
But even though we’ve all been practicing seduction every day of our lives, most people still don’t know this simple but vital truth. As Robert Greene put it in his book, The Art of Seduction,
“Seduction is a game of psychology, not beauty, and it is within the grasp of any person to become a master at the game. All that is required is that you look at the world”
Look out into the world.
Most men don’t understand how women think because they try to “read” them as a member of their own sex. And this has led to bizarre and creepy seductive tactics.
If you could just look outside yourself, you’ll realize that there are certain things that women find attractive in men that men may not expect. Here are seven of them.
1. Wearing a perfume
Most men will spend all their time thinking of the perfect lines that can sweep a woman off her feet. But no matter how perfect your words are, if you smell offensive, that’s the end for you.
As the saying goes, it’s not what you say that counts, it’s how you say it.
When you come close to her, smelling nice, she’s already enjoying your company before you say anything. Don’t take this from me. Even studies confirm this.
According to science, smells have subtle effects on our moods. Good fragrance tends to lighten up our mood and make us feel more comfortable. But bad odor, as you would expect, does the opposite.
Smelling nice may not cost much, but it will surely have way more effect on social interaction than most people realize.
Studies show that the emotional expression on someone’s face has a huge impact on how we rate their level of attractiveness.
This makes sense if you think about it.
For instance, let’s say you see two attractive ladies of relatively equal levels of attractiveness sitting across the table. One of them seems to be happy, smiling with her friends and having fun, while the other seems to be frowning, maybe arguing with the waiter. Which one will you perceive as more attractive?
Happy people just seem more fulfilled and accommodating.
I know most guys think appearing tough makes them look more alpha male stereotypes like James Bond, but that’s only really effective in movies. In real life, no one wants to hang out with someone who frowns all the time.
We like funny people, who can take a joke without taking themselves too seriously all the time.
3. Verbal dexterity
Do you know why conversations are so difficult for most people?
Instead of paying attention, they try to impress. They forget that trying to impress someone is different from being impressive.
According to personality psychologist Jeremy Nicholson, what’s more important when people flirt is how sure they are about the things they say. Meaning, even if your words are few, if you go at it at a slower pace, it signals self-confidence.
Some people will read out the label on a salt product and it will still appear seductive. But some can read even the most poetic lines and still not be impressive.
When you communicate with a woman, the more you focus on what you say, the more self-absorbed you’ll become. Instead, put more focus on your demeanor. When your aura is on point, the rest will fall into place.
Women will respond more to a chilled, masculine energy than the best pick-up lines.
Interesting: 6 Signs You’re Secretly Attractive to Other People
4. The lost art of calling names
Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends And Influence People is an old book written in 1936. In fact, some people might call some ideas in the book outdated.
But it has sold over 30 million copies, making it one of the best-selling books of all time. Carnegie’s ideas of influencing people were simple but effective. This is perhaps why the book became such a huge blockbuster. And one of the vital things Carnegie discussed was the importance of calling names. He wrote,
“Names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
But as simple as this is, it’s easy to forget. Especially when you just meet someone, you have to make a deliberate effort to put in their names once in a while.
Calling someone’s name in a conversation is the fastest way to make them feel important. It makes people know that you’re interested. And as Carnegie further wrote, “To be interesting, be interested.”
5. The right posture
The American psychologist Amy Cuddy started her famous TED talk Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are, 9 years ago by asking her audience to change their posture for two minutes.
And she did it as an experiment to quickly demonstrate that our body language doesn’t just impact those around us, it also influences us. As she said,
“When people watch 30 seconds soundless clips of real physician-patient interaction, their judgment of the physician’s niceness predicts whether or not the physician will be sued.”
But it doesn’t end there. As she further explained, when we think of non-verbals, we think of how we judge others and how they judge us and what the outcomes are, but we tend to forget the other audience which is influenced by our audience, which is ourselves.
People see you through your eyes. When you appear like a confident and high-value man, everything you do or say will be seen through that lens.
We often make assumptions about people, then evaluate everything else about them based on what we’ve already assumed. This is why two guys can say the same thing to a woman, and they’ll get different (or opposite) responses.
She isn’t responding to what they are saying, she’s responding to the person saying it.
In social interactions, we like to focus on the big things like the best pick-up lines, the clothes we wear, and how attractive we are. Things like fragrance, calling names, or the pace of our words when we speak rarely comes to our minds. But in reality, these little things determine a lot.
Also read: Are You More Attractive Than You Think?