Being single should signify strength and freedom. But we often detest it.
Why?
Firstly, we have this wrong idea that when we are single, others might think that no one wants to be with us; that if we are really good-looking, attractive, or valuable enough, then there should be a line-up of people who want us by their side.
Secondly, so many of us lack the emotional maturity to live — and enjoy — our lives alone.
Human nature is also a factor. The thing is, over time, we come to define ourselves by the things and people we attach ourselves to.
Controlled by our fragile ego, we find ourselves competing with our friends for the best partners. Without another person completing us, we find it difficult to have a solid sense of self.
But that’s the wrong way to look at being single. We all can have a good time without having anyone complete us. That said, here are 6 ways to enjoy your life without being in any relationship.
Perspective is everything
It’s impossible to enjoy being single when you see it as a curse.
You see, nothing really means anything in life; things only take shape when we give it meaning.
If you think, “I’m single because I’m terrible and ugly,” then you inevitably create a negative dynamic of misery.
But if, on the other hand, you think, “Now I’m single! I have the freedom to live however I please. Now I have enough time to understand myself and do what I really want in life.” You’ll end up creating a positive dynamic for yourself.
Understand that your situation doesn’t determine your experience, your interpretation does.
Anyone who hates being single hates it because they have a wrong perspective of it.
Breaking up with someone doesn’t make you a failure, it makes you a human. Being alone doesn’t make you less worthy, it means you now have enough time to invest in yourself and increase your worth.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change,” Wayne Dyer once said. If you want to enjoy being single, first change how you look at it.
Do this instead of hunting for another relationship
If you hate being single, chances are, you’ll spend most of your free time trying to get into another relationship.
But this rarely turns out well.
At best you’ll get into a bad relationship because your desperation will make you ignore red flags. At worst, you’ll experience lots of rejections because your desperation will make you appear needy.
Instead of trying to quickly attach yourself to another person, use your me time to improve yourself.
Having a lot of free time alone should make you excited.
Read books, watch podcasts, work out, meditate, connect with your loved ones, get to understand yourself more for who you are, not who your partner thinks you are.
The more valuable you become, the better the quality of connections and relationships you’ll attract. When you build yourself, your value inevitably increases in the eyes of others.
Understand that if you find being single to be unbearable, it becomes almost impossible to find the right partner.
Instead of desperately searching for someone to complete you when you’re single, use your time to grow. Enjoy the satisfaction that comes with knowing that you are becoming a better version of yourself.
Live meaningfully
Don’t search for love to escape yourself.
Inherently, we all crave a meaningful life. We want to feel important both to ourselves and to those around us. We are happier and more fulfilled when we know our lives mean something important to someone else.
This is a good thing.
However, it is not our love for meaning itself that makes us live a good life. It’s how we go about finding that meaning. The terrorist who has killed thousands of people also thinks he or she is driven by meaning.
And often, a desperate search for an intimate relationship is also our attempt to find meaning in life. For most of us, we don’t feel complete without someone else to gratify us.
Understand that it is impossible to enjoy being single if all your sense of completeness comes from the gratification you get from relationships.
Learn to find meaning just by how you live your life. You don’t need someone else to give you a sense of meaning. Learn to find meaning within yourself by growing and giving more of yourself to a cause.
You can handle a relationship better when you already feel complete all by yourself.
Build a relationship with yourself
The hard truth is that most of us desperately search for a relationship to escape ourselves.
We welcome anything that prevents us from spending quality time alone because, for the most part, we are afraid of the shallowness we might find if we are too idle for a long time.
Desperate to distract ourselves, we look for anyone, not minding if they are good or bad for us.
Hence, one of the most important things you must have to enjoy being single is a good relationship with yourself. And how do you build a relationship with yourself?
- Deliberately spend quality time with yourself. Do things you enjoy all by yourself. Treat yourself the way you know you deserve to be treated.
- Take yourself out on dates.
- Know yourself. Accept your good and dark sides. When you accept yourself for who you are, you become less concerned about approval and gratification from relationships.
- Be committed to improving yourself. Work out. Read books. The more your value increases, the better you’ll feel about yourself.
- Interact with yourself. You can have a daily journal where you can put your thoughts on paper and engage with them in a detached manner.
We attract the best people to our lives when we have a good relationship with ourselves.
Why? You are more capable of choosing the right person when you are not in a desperate position.
Get good at something you love
Making a relationship work takes a lot of effort. You’ll have to give your time and emotions to it. And for the most part, you might be thinking of your relationship whether you are physically present with your partner or not.
But when you’re single, you have enough space, both emotionally and mindfully, to seriously engage with something else. Now, this has lots of upsides to it:
- Firstly, you get to do what you love, which is a great way to enjoy your free time alone.
- Secondly, you’ll be increasing your value, which consequently exposes you to better connections and relationships in the future.
- Thirdly, the process of diligently working on a skill will toughen your mind like any other physical exercise. You’ll have a better sense of your true capabilities — strengths and weaknesses — and how to improve them.
- You’ll find life more meaningful when you are good at something.
The time that leads to mastery, According to Robert Greene, is largely dependent on the intensity of your focus. Sometimes people go as far as sacrificing their relationships to master what they love.
But you don’t have to do that.
All you need do is take advantage of the rare privilege of being single and engage your mind, body, and soul in becoming the best at what you love.
Build quality connections
Hang out more with the family and friends you love.
The thing is, when you are in a relationship, you spend most of your alone time with your partner. And this inevitably means lesser time for any form of interaction with others.
When single, however, can invest more into spontaneous interactions. You have more time, energy, and freedom to freely go out and connect with anyone, male or female.
Final thoughts on being happily single
One of the major reasons people fear being single is that they don’t want to be lonely. But as many of us must have learned from experience, it’s possible to be in a relationship and still feel lonely.
Hence, if you must build a great relationship with others, you have to first build a relationship with yourself. A relationship shouldn’t be a means to cope with loneliness, it should be handled from a point of self-sufficiency.
To recap, here are six ways to be happily single:
- Develop the right perspective towards being single
- Use your free time to improve yourself.
- Live meaningfully
- Build a relationship with yourself
- Get good at something you love
- Build quality connections
