It is not easy to make an avoidant person miss you. But there are ways to pull it off if you know what to do.
But first, let’s understand the different types of attachment styles because you can’t make an avoidant miss you if you don’t understand them properly.
The 4 Attachment Styles
The attachment theory is a psychological theory that was developed by John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst. The theory is based on the idea that we are born with an inborn need to form attachments to other people.
The attachment theory was developed as a result of Bowlby’s work with children who had been neglected or abused. He noticed that the children were unable to form successful relationships and exhibited emotional disorders such as separation anxiety or anger outbursts when separated from their primary caregiver.
The four attachment styles are secure, anxious-avoidant, anxious-resistant, and disorganized.
A secure attachment style is when the child feels safe with their parents and trusts them implicitly.
Anxious-avoidant style is where the child has no desire for intimacy and avoids closeness as much as possible. Anxious-resistant style is where the child has mixed feelings about intimacy but also wants it at times but feels ambivalent about it at other times.
A disorganized style is when a child has difficulty attaching to their parents and is either too clingy or resistant to the parental attachment.
The main purposes of attachment theory are to explain how an individual develops relationships, how the self-concept develops in relation to others, and how interactions between individuals influence their mental health.
One important concept within this theory is the development of a personal worldview which consists of beliefs about what will happen when interacting with others.
For example, one person might believe that everyone will always be mad at them. Another person might believe that everyone is going to be their best friend.
This personal worldview is shaped by the early experiences of an individual, such as how parents are perceived or whether the individual has experienced being rejected or abandoned.
The anxious-resistant style would be described as not wanting to be close to others but also feeling anxious about intimacy and having mixed feelings about it. This is a way for children and adolescents to feel loved without feeling too dependent on someone else’s love. And this is where the avoidant comes in.
Related: 7 Traits of an Extremely Insecure Partner
Characteristics of An Avoidant
Someone with an avoidant attachment style can be hesitant to express emotions and is threatened by intimacy.
This can result in them withdrawing from their partners, pushing them away, and feeling lonely.
When a person has an avoidant attachment style, they will often distance themselves from people to protect themselves. They might put walls up and avoid intimacy because they believe that it will hurt them in some way. Or they may simply be trying to avoid being close but not wanting to be alone.
Avoidant attachment style is characterized by:
- Fear of being rejected and abandoned by others
- Holding back emotions so as not to scare away potential partners; can result in feeling lonely
- Difficulty trusting others and exposing their true selves
- Tendency to not share their thoughts and feelings with partners.
That said, if you want to make an avoidant miss you, it is important to be patient and give them space. Here are some tips for making an avoidant miss you:
1. Don’t chase them
Avoidants like to be left alone and will feel more comfortable with someone when they don’t feel pressured to spend time with them.
There are great ways to show that you care and that you would like to be more involved in their life without making them feel pressured. The important thing is to not be pushy and to make sure that the avoidant is comfortable with the amount of time you spend together.
2. Be Mysterious
If you want an avoidant to miss you, you must learn the skill of using mystery to keep your relationship alive. When you get too clingy, they might freak out.
Hence, being mysterious is one of the best ways to keep your relationship with an avoidant strong.
The more you’re able to keep them interested and intrigued, the more likely they’ll want to see you again. This is one of the most effective ways to keep an avoidant’s interest in you alive.
Interesting: How To Make Someone Miss You, According To Psychologists
3. Focus on living your best life
An avoidant only becomes more interested in you when you can prove to them that you can survive without them. Or, even better, live an amazing life without them.
If they pull away, do something that makes you happy without needing their validation or attention. When you do this, you’ll prove to them that you can be okay without them.
And when they resurface, you’ll be the “hot woman” — or man — who’s living her best life without them. The relationship will have a constant pull, which will keep them on their toes and wondering where you are, what you’re doing, and what amazing thing you’re up to next.
4. Balance communication
Don’t always be the one initiating contact all the time. Try giving them space and taking a break from communicating with them for a certain period.
This will make the relationship more interesting because they’ll be wondering where they stand with you. You’ll give them space to think about you. It also allows them to miss you and be curious about what you’re doing without them.
With this type of space, they’ll understand that you’re an independent person who wouldn’t suffocate them.
5. Ignore them in return
If you want an avoidant to miss you, ignore them in return when they pull away and don’t text or call them back right away when they resurface.
This will help make their interest alive because they’ll be seeking your attention and wondering what’s going on with you, which will make the relationship more interesting for both of you.
When they pull back, they will be wondering if you’re mad at them and how they can make it up to you. This kind of tension is necessary to keep a relationship with an avoidant alive.
6. Give them space when they pull away
If you want an avoidant partner to miss you, you must learn how to give them space when they pull away.
This is because avoiding somebody who always wants to be around you will eventually become frustrating for them, especially if you’re too clingy.
Be willing to give them space and avoid acting clingily when they are in their normal episodes of pulling away. By ignoring them, you’ll help create the mystery that keeps their interest alive.
7. Don’t be confrontational and aggressive
The avoidant only wants to feel comfortable and safe. They want someone who can be soft, so they will naturally lean into you when they’re upset or scared.
And when they pull away, they are hoping that you will comfort them and make them feel safe by offering stability in their lives.
It’s important to make sure that you’re not being passive-aggressive. The goal is to be comforting but show that you can respect their need for distance. Though you don’t want to be clingy, when they resurface, keep your communication lines open and offer to help when they need you.
Also read: 5 Psychological Reasons Why You Get Emotionally Attached So Easily
8. Don’t Be Too Pushy On the avoidant
If you want to make an avoidant miss you, you have to be subtle. Show them that you want to spend time with them by being soothing and encouraging, but don’t demand too much from them.
It’s important not to come across as too clingy and needy because the avoidant will feel suffocated and stir up resentment. And don’t get angry or push them to do anything. If you can learn to let go and maintain a calm demeanor, the avoidant will want to take you back.
9. Be There For Their Rebound
They may need more time alone to process things. And when they’re ready to go to you, let them know that you’ll be there. One key to making an avoidant miss you is, to be there for them during the difficult times when they’re most vulnerable.
10. Be patient
An avoidant person may need time to develop feelings for you — and maybe learn to open up to you. The best thing you can do is just be patient and give them space if they ask for it.
If they do come back to you, then be warm and open-minded, but not demanding or needy in any way. Don’t fall for their games and their manipulations.
Don’t give them too much attention. Just be patient, loving, encouraging, and chilled, and watch them come back to you.
11. Don’t force intimacy
If an avoidant person doesn’t want to be intimate with you, then don’t push it. Sometimes people don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable and open at the beginning of a relationship, so they will put up walls to protect themselves.
Don’t take away their choice by forcing them into something they might not like or by trying to make them change their mind, not if you want to make an avoidant miss you.
It is always better to wait for them to come back around so that you can share your love and be loved in return.
12. You can always leave
If avoidance is going on for a long time, just leave if necessary. This will help you preserve your sanity so that you don’t become overly invested in someone who isn’t committed to being intimate with anyone.
When you leave, do so in a good way. Leave them with some hope and reassurance that you’re still willing to be their friend. This way, the avoidant person will want to come back and show you the love they’re capable of.