“Seduction is a game of attention, of slowly filling the other person’s mind with your presence. Distance and inattention will create the opposite effect, and can be used as a tactic when the need arises.” ― Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction
The hardest thing about making someone miss you is that you need scarcity to spur desire.
Desire, Esther Perel explained, needs space. But the challenge is that when we find someone we desire, the last we want to give them is space. In fact, we can rarely get enough of them.
In other words, the most important factor in making someone miss or crave you isn’t having the best personality in the world.
As Robert Greene explained in The Art of Seduction, a man grows bored with a woman, no matter how beautiful; he yearns for different pleasures, and for adventure. And vice versa.
What you need is self-control. Being able to withdraw even when it’s the last thing you want creates space for desire to grow. Just like a delicate plant can be suffocated if it doesn’t find space for sunlight and aeration, desire cannot grow without space.
That said, here are great tips that can help you create desire and make someone miss you.
1. Build strong emotional intimacy
Think of this like building a house. You need a strong foundation to support the structure, and emotional intimacy is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
It’s the glue that holds everything together and makes your connection with your partner strong and resilient.
As you build emotional intimacy, you’ll find that you become more in tune with each other’s emotions and needs. You’ll begin to understand each other on a deeper level, and your connection will become stronger and more meaningful.
When you’re apart, the emotional intimacy you’ve built will make your partner miss you. They’ll crave the closeness and connection they feel with you, and they’ll look forward to the next time you can be together.
To build emotional intimacy, you need to be willing to be vulnerable and open with your partner. This will often entail sharing your thoughts, feelings, fears, and hopes with them. It also means being a good listener and showing empathy and understanding when they share with you.
2. Glow up
If you’re constantly improving yourself and becoming the best version of yourself, you become more attractive and appealing to your partner. They may start to notice your newfound confidence, your positive energy, and your overall glow-up.
Additionally, taking time to focus on yourself can create a sense of mystery and anticipation.
If you’re not constantly available to your partner, they may start to wonder what you’re up to and what exciting things you have going on in your life. This can make them miss you and crave your company even more.
But here’s the key: glowing up should never be solely done to make your partner miss you. It’s important to prioritize your own personal growth and well-being above anything else.
If you’re constantly trying to change yourself to please someone else, you’ll never be truly happy.
[Also read: 12 Psychological Tricks to Make an Avoidant Miss You]
3. Embrace what makes you unique
Being unique is an excellent strategy to make your partner miss you. Why?
It’s natural for humans to be curious about things that are different, and your unique qualities can make your partner curious to know more about you.
Your unique qualities can make you memorable. If you have a particular quirk or trait that your partner finds endearing or charming, they will think about you even when you’re not around.
Maybe you have a unique laugh or a quirky sense of humor that your partner loves. Whenever they hear or see something that reminds them of your unique qualities, they will think of you and miss you.
Being unique can also make you more interesting to talk to. If you have a unique perspective on life, your partner will enjoy talking to you and learning from you.
This can make your conversations more engaging and memorable, and your partner will look forward to talking to you again.
4. Don’t be too available
This is about finding that balance between spending quality time together, while also maintaining a sense of independence and individuality.
Think about it this way: if you’re always available to your partner, always ready and waiting to hang out or talk, then they may start to take you for granted.
They may not fully appreciate the time you spend together, because they know that you’ll always be there.
On the other hand, if you’re not always available, if you have your interests and priorities that you’re pursuing, then your partner may start to miss you when you’re not around. They may begin to realize just how much they enjoy your company, and how important you are to them.
Now, I want to be clear – this isn’t about playing games or being manipulative. It’s not about purposely ignoring your partner or being difficult to get a hold of.
It’s simply about having your own life outside of the relationship, and making sure that you’re not always putting your partner’s needs before your own.
For instance, maybe you have a weekly yoga class that you never miss, or you’re part of a book club that meets once a month. Maybe you have a hobby that you’re really passionate about, like playing an instrument or painting.
By prioritizing these things, you’re showing your partner that you value yourself and your own interests, which can be really attractive.
5. Don’t be afraid to say no
According to Dr. Antonio, saying no to a person’s request for plans sends them a message that you have other engagements and commitments that are taking priority.
Furthermore, saying no also forces them to recognize that they must make advanced plans because you have other things going on, and you’re not just sitting by your phone, waiting for their call.
This will make them realize that they don’t have the privilege of calling you and asking you to go out whenever they feel like it. Soon, they will want to earn that priority status with you.
However, as Dr. Antoio advised, this isn’t about playing games and hiding behind your phone.
Go out with your friends and have fun, away from your man or woman. Create goals to work on, or do something that you enjoy.
Instead, let them wonder if you’re missing them. Keep things light and fun even when you’re disappointed with the fact that they don’t show that they miss you.
6. Create mystery
You don’t have to share every detail about what you are up to. You also don’t need to over-explain everything that you’re doing.
You want them to wonder and develop intrigue. Instead, share bits and pieces of your life slowly, and make him or her earn your trust.
For instance, when you’re going out with your parents for dinner, you don’t have to tell them you’re going out with your parents unless they ask. Let them wonder.
When you have plans with friends and your man asks you to hang out on a date last minute, tell him you have plans with friends.
As Dr. Antonio said, “You don’t need to go above and beyond to make them feel at ease. The more you explain, the less mysterious you become.”
As Robert Greene explained in the art of seduction, one of the major problems people have with seduction is that “There is too little mystery in the world; too many people say exactly what they feel or want.”
Remember, getting someone to miss you means making them appreciate you and your time. So let them wonder. And if they ask, you’ll know that they’re trying really hard to decipher you, all of which will only add to your allure.
[Read: 10 Signs He Doesn’t Miss You]
7. Create inside jokes
Inside jokes are like little secrets that only the two of you share. They’re special moments or memories that no one else understands, and they can create a strong emotional connection between you and your partner.
When you create inside jokes with your partner, it shows that you have a shared sense of humor and an ability to find joy in the little things. These moments can be playful, silly, or even romantic, and they can create a lasting memory that makes your partner miss you when you’re not around.
Inside jokes can also serve as a reminder of the connection you share, even when you’re physically apart.
For example, if you have an inside joke about a particular TV show or movie, your partner may think of you whenever they see that show or movie, and it can create a sense of longing for your presence.
8. Highlight your fun and independence
Neediness, as we know, is repulsive. We love to know that our partners have a life outside of us. There’s nothing more unappealing than someone always being on our faces all the time, as though the functionality of their lives depends on ours.
Sometimes you can use social media to your advantage by independently showing him that you have an independent, full, and fun life that is independent of your partner. As Dr. Antonio advised,
“Whether you’re out to dinner with friends or attending a rock concert, take fun photos and share them on your social media. But don’t fabricate elaborate and fake posts. Be you, be fun, and be authentic.”
[Related: How to Make Someone Miss You Subconsciously]
9. Don’t put yourself last
Sometimes we go out of our way to show the person we are dating how much we like them. And in doing so, we become overly concerned about not disappointing them.
This makes us jump at every opportunity to talk, hang out, or text. And usually, this may be a good thing.
But as Dr. Antonio advised, if you’re trying to make someone miss you, you need to learn to put yourself first. Pick up some hobbies. Make and keep plans with your friends.
Fill up your social calendar. And when he or she calls you last minute to hang out, you’ll already have plans for yourself.
10. Create happy memories with them
Have you ever heard the saying, “create happy memories with someone, so they miss you when you’re not around?”
Well, it’s true! Creating happy memories is an excellent way to make your partner miss you. But, what does that mean exactly?
Creating happy memories involves doing activities and having experiences that bring joy and laughter to your relationship. It could be as simple as taking a walk in the park, trying a new restaurant, or watching a funny movie together.
The key is to make sure that the experience is enjoyable for both of you and that it creates a positive association with your time together.
So why does creating happy memories make your partner miss you? Well, it’s because those memories are a reminder of the good times you’ve shared together.
When your partner thinks about those happy moments, they are more likely to feel a sense of longing for your company. It’s natural to miss the things that make us feel happy and loved, and creating happy memories with your partner is an excellent way to do just that.
[Interesting: How to Make a Girl Miss You, According to Psychologists]
These suggestions are not ideas that you haven’t heard before. But why are they still so difficult for so many people to keep up with? Well, they are counterintuitive and even risky.
They are counterintuitive because if you truly desire someone, the last thing you want to do is turn down a chance to hang out with them even if it’s a last-minute plan. And they are risky because we are all afraid to lose anything we desire.
Hence, doing things like not replying to their texts on time or turning down their offer to hang out makes us fear losing them.
We think that if we are not available, they’ll find someone else. What if we don’t call them back, won’t they think we don’t like them? You fear that if you don’t seem interested and all into him, he might find someone else who is more interested. Indeed, these are all valid considerations.
But thinking these things means that you’re worried about worst-case scenarios. As Dr. Antonio put it, these sorts of excuses are usually driven by fear of being rejected.
We are afraid of rejection, we tend to cling to people more, afraid that they will leave us at any time. This is perhaps why Dr. Antonio usually advises that the most important thing you can do to have the best kind of relationship is to overcome your fear of being rejected.
When you approach your relationship from a point of security, it becomes easy to see how the points in these articles will serve you. You’d better be equipped to implement them and rip their benefits.