Barry was my friend all through college. I still laugh when I remember the first time I met him at the door, he wouldn’t even meet my eyes.
For the first few months, the conversation between us was passive, but it got better as time passed.
During our first year, Barry was unable to get a girlfriend because he was too shy to mutter any coherent words in front of a lady. Even when I tried to hook him up with some of my pretty friends, it failed miserably.
The change in him came as a surprise, one I still look back on even today. The third and fourth years of college saw Barry go through a string of some of the most beautiful ladies on our campus at the time.
He was still very shy, so I always sat in my room listening to his pretty visitor talk and laugh through the thin walls, wondering: How the hell is he doing this?
I know many shy guys have a problem approaching and dating beautiful women. In the presence of these ladies, they suddenly get tongue-tied and forget how to think.
When I asked Barry how he did it, he said, “I can’t change being shy, so instead of feeling down about it, I used it to my advantage.”
Equipped with some of the best dating advice told to me by Barry —a chronic introvert and a shy guy—and some research I have done on my own, I am creating this guide for shy men.
The dating pool can be messy and competitive, even for the most talkative guys, so the shy ones will remain at a disadvantage if they don’t level up and learn to get the girl. Let’s cut to the chase. Here’s how to date beautiful ladies as a shy guy.
Your reputation is everything
The cliche “looking good is good business” has never been more true. For shy guys, looking good is good business.
Extroverts have a way of announcing themselves and making their presence known to everyone in the room. They either talk, show off, display funny mannerisms, have a loud laugh, or do anything to draw people’s attention.
As a shy guy in a room with extroverts, you will hardly be noticed if you don’t stand out. You don’t have to shout, talk, or act out of character; let your presence speak for you.
According to a study by Kelton Research, women automatically consider a well-dressed man sexy and successful even if he’s not. These women confess that a well-organized outfit makes a man more physically attractive.
So if you are reading this as a shy guy, this is your cue to change your wardrobe and invest in more organized outfits. It is one major step to getting you noticed by the beautiful ladies.
The right body language is powerful
If you are too shy to speak to a beautiful lady, let your body do the talking. There are certain body languages that women find very attractive, and it works without you needing to open your mouth.
Do you know why it works? Because women are better at reading and picking up cues from facial expressions and body language than men. It means if you use the correct body language, you will have the women flocking to you in no time.
One of the top body languages I learned from Barry is the eyes. When used to convey emotions properly, women cannot resist it. You don’t have to say a word.
Maintain consistent eye contact while finding a perfect balance; you don’t want to stare at them for too long. When they catch you staring, maintain the gaze for three more seconds, then look away with a smile. Boom!
Also, have a strong posture, unroll your shoulders, and keep that smile on at all times.
Self-confidence establishes you as high value
You don’t need to speak. If you are confident enough, your presence will be noticed by everyone. Confidence exudes a certain aura on its own, one that you can’t see but is visible to everyone within your radius.
If you want to know how to date beautiful ladies as a shy guy, take this seriously. Shy people can also be confident; once you understand that shyness is normal, you can easily work something out.
When you are in public, avoid a slouching posture. Women notice these things; trust me, it doesn’t speak well.
Have a power pose when you’re amongst people. It can be done by sitting upright and in a way that occupies space, controlling your hand and body gestures, keeping your tone and pitch normal, and maintaining eye contact. It’s easier said than done, but with conscious effort and baby steps, you will perfect it in no time.
Interesting: How to Date the Cutest Girls Around You
An aura of mystery is exiting
As a shy guy, the one major advantage you have over the extroverts who show off everything is the air of mystery around you.
Women are attracted to mysterious men for several reasons. They love the unpredictability around them, their quietness, and their laid-back personality; everything about a mysterious man draws them in.
When you finally get the girl, it is easy to get comfortable and start divulging. While this is not a bad thing, you want to make sure there is still an air of uncertainty and mystery around you.
I’ve been roommates with Barry for three years before I found out he’s been to seven countries!
I know so many people, including myself, who would have found a way to bring it into the conversation on the very first day. But mysterious people are different, which is why they have that edge, even to the most beautiful ladies.
Hang out once in a while
Barry and I complimented each other well, especially for the first two years when he had no friends.
I was an extrovert, and I always took him to bars, hangouts, and even libraries, where I’ll introduce him to my friends and acquaintances. He made cool friends that way, which he would have been unable to do alone.
As a shy guy, you need the outgoing crowd to complement your introverted nature. When you’re with them, you get more exposure in public, which would help you step up your game and find the beautiful ladies.
Plan activity dates
While you might be tempted to plan private romantic dates with that beauty you just found, it might not be a good idea.
It’s a first date, which means you are both just getting to know each other; any slight dilemma or discrepancy, you’ll likely never see the lady again.
As a shy guy, you are already aware that you might face difficulty initiating and continuing conversation, so why not plan activity dates where talking isn’t the main source of entertainment?
You can go kayaking, bike riding, bowling, or other fun places. You can even go to an art museum where you will have a curator do the talking for you.
Hang out with other girls
Before you find a lady you want to be romantically linked with, you should practice dating and communication skills with your girlfriends.
When you hang out and spend time with some of your platonic girlfriends, you get to pick up certain skills and tips on how to relate with women ideally. Girls think differently from guys, and you can only learn this when you hang out with other girls.
You’re already a good listener
If you would rather not say anything, you should channel your energy into being a great listener. According to science, women love great listeners, and if you show her you are one, she will get even more attracted to you.
When a woman likes you, she wants to discuss everything with you: her morning routine, what she ate for breakfast, her problems at work, and her overbearing boss. The moment she notices you aren’t paying her any attention or contributing to the conversation, she immediately withdraws.
One way to show you listen is by remembering the small details. The next time you meet, you can coyly ask, “How was Mary at work today? Did she say anything about those papers you left on her desk?” Watch her eyes widen as she says, “Oh, you remembered!”
It indicates your interest, and you didn’t even have to say or do much.
The key tip in keeping your shyness under control
In everything you do while trying to date beautiful women, make sure you are comfortable. The key tip to keeping your shyness under control is being comfortable.
Once you feel thrown out of your comfort zone, panic sets in, and you start to fidget or lose control. This spiral is immediately visible to any woman around you and is a total turn-off.
Don’t feel insecure about your introversion or shyness. You can even make jokes about it. It shows how integrated and emotionally mature you are as a man. A man who doesn’t mind being vulnerable is attractive.
The key takeaway here is to learn how to make your presence known in other ways asides from talking. Once you master this, you will have no problem attracting the right women.
Also, work to improve yourself as a man, this way, you wouldn’t have to worry or stress about getting the girl. Beautiful ladies will naturally flock around guys who have things going on for them, regardless of whether he is shy.