Many people want physically attractive, tall, slim, intelligent, and even rich partners.
We tend to forget that, while it is important to feel attraction to our partner, there are better qualities that we should look out for in order to enjoy a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
So if you are willing to look beyond the physical and superficial traits to dig deeper into the real values of a person, it would be easy to find the right partner. To get it right, be with someone who does these seven things for you.
1. Be with someone who is emotionally attracted to you
When choosing a partner, this is a critical point to consider. When you are with someone who gets you, such a person would be mindful of you. The sweetest part is that you don’t even have to say a word before they know exactly how you are feeling at a particular time.
During research on brain chemistry, a renowned Anthropologist at Rutgers University, Helen Fisher, describes the three stages of love as lust, attraction, and attachment.
Although lust and attraction are stages of love, attachment is the highest stage. It is also called companionate love and is characterized by feelings of calm, security, social comfort, and emotional union.
When you form an emotional bond or union with someone, that’s when you’ll have the “This person gets me” feeling. They only need to look at you and are automatically in sync with your emotions.
Be with someone who feels this deeply about you. Lust and attraction are shallow emotions that don’t require any form of emotional bonding, so make sure you only stay with those you form an emotional bond with.
2. Be with someone who sees a future with you
Some people are incapable of forming any deep romantic attachment to another human. And if you pay attention, it’s easy to spot these people. Here are some signs:
They don’t invite you out to see their friends and families. Someone who loves you will be eager to introduce you to their family and tell them how great you are. Those who don’t see a future with you will try to hide you.
Another way you can tell that your partner doesn’t see a relationship with you is by how they prioritize their time with you.
Avoid someone who never puts you on top of their priority list, who only calls you at odd hours asking to see you, or who never creates time for you because they are too busy. We are never too busy for the ones we love, and that’s a fact.
3. Be with someone who is always there for you
No matter how much your partner claims to love you, without emotional or physical presence, an emotional bond can not be formed.
Two years ago, I dated this tech guy I loved so much. He was a nice guy but way too busy. It would take weeks before I could see him, and even then, he would be on his phone and laptop due to work. Despite being in a relationship with him, I was lonely, so I had to leave.
Being there for someone does not only include dropping everything to answer when the person calls. It also includes the little things like ignoring your phone to give them undivided attention when you’re together.
In this age where everyone is busy and occupied with a lot of work and other different activities, it is hard to find someone willing to put all those things away and pay attention to you.
4. Someone ready to grow with you
Steve Harvey once said, “A woman can’t change a man because she loves him. A man changes himself because he loves her.”
A man (or woman) that loves you will always strive to be the best version of himself, regardless of how hard it is to make that change. Because he loves you and sees the future with you; therefore, he will annul any form of behavioral obstacle that threatens the relationship
If you are with someone that repeatedly does hurtful or selfish things, even after you have made a thousand complaints, then it’s obvious such a person isn’t ready to nurture the relationship.
Don’t go into a relationship with the notion of changing a man. It is a recipe for disaster.
5. Be with someone who listens
According to experts, listening is one of the most important things to have in a romantic partner because it makes it much easier to manage the inevitable conflicts that will arise in a relationship.
Think about it. If your partner cannot listen to you, then you can’t get through any misunderstanding with them. And if you can’t get through petty things without almost ripping each other apart, things can go downhill quickly.
When I was dating my tech ex, we had lots of problems arising from the fact that he doesn’t listen. We could be together, and he would be on his phone or laptop for hours.
I understand he was working, but it wasn’t very respectful that he couldn’t prioritize time for me. Even when I got him to put his devices away just so I could tell him about my day, he would only say “uh-uh”, or “oh”, which shows he was never really listening. He hardly remembers anything I said afterward.
Having someone’s full attention is rare, so when you find someone who listens, that’s who you should be with. Besides the fact that it helps build your relationship, it also helps in conflict resolution. When you have a partner who listens, it’s easier to explain your grievances and be understood.
6. Someone who respects you
According to this study of love and respect in a relationship, researchers confirmed that respect is one of the most fundamental bases of a romantic relationship. Like Quentin Crisp said,
“Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone —but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding.”
Don’t assume your partner respects you just because they’re in love with you. Pay attention to their actions, and be assured of their respect for you before being with them.
How can I tell if my partner respects me? I’ll give you a few tips in the following paragraphs.
First and foremost, someone who respects you will never lie to you. An example of respect is kindness. Is your partner kind to you? Do they say kind words when they’re upset? Do they value your feelings? If your answer is yes to all these questions, then you have a respectful partner, and you should never let them go.
7. Be with someone you can have difficult conversations with
Conflicts and misunderstandings can not be avoided in a relationship. When you choose a partner, understand that you are both different people whose opinions would clash at a certain point. The main issue is not in the conflicts you have, it is how well you manage such issues in your relationship.
You need to be with someone mature enough to have a respectful discussion after a conflict, someone who is willing to meet you halfway and understand your perspectives. When limits and boundaries are understood in the premise of a relationship, it will last longer.
If you find someone willing to do all the above for you, then you have found a gem.
The key to a long-lasting relationship is not in how beautiful or handsome a person is, nor is it in the weight of their pockets. All these, though also important, are superficial traits that do not contribute to the strength of a relationship.
Look beyond the surface, and find better values in a partner; this is the only way to make healthy connections that lasts a lifetime.
Interesting: The Secret To Long-Term Desire In A Relationship