Feeling your partner deserves better seems like a bad thing on the surface. Most people will quickly assume it’s because of low self-esteem – which could be true. 

But in some cases, it could also arise from a deep sense of love and admiration for your partner that makes you want to be your best for them. 

But as you strive to give them the love and care they deserve, you might find yourself feeling like you’re falling short, no matter how much you try.

While these feelings might be overwhelming and confusing, they’re not necessarily a negative sign. In fact, they can be a good opportunity to become a better partner and, more importantly, a better person. 

The key is to not let these feelings consume you, but rather, harness them in a way that promotes positive change.

With that said, here are 12 practical steps to take when you feel your partner deserves better. 

1. Reflect and Understand Your Feelings

When you feel your partner deserves better, it’s essential to pause and analyze these feelings. It’s possible that this feeling is stemming from a sense of insecurity or low self-esteem. 

Now, it’s completely normal to have such feelings from time to time. However, letting these feelings dominate your thoughts can spell trouble.

Explore why you might be feeling this way. Is it because you believe you are lacking in certain areas? Perhaps you believe you’re not romantic enough, not understanding enough, or even not “fun” enough. 

And here’s the thing, it’s okay to feel like you could improve in certain areas. After all, we are all works in progress, aren’t we?

However, don’t let these feelings morph into a severe case of self-depreciation. That’s a slippery slope, my friend. Instead, channel these feelings into motivation for self-improvement. But more on that later.

2. Communicate Your Thoughts and Feelings

feeling your partner deserves better

Once you’ve identified why you feel your partner deserves better, it’s important to discuss this with your partner. Yes, it’s going to be difficult. No one said it would be easy, but it is absolutely necessary.

Start by letting your partner know how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling this way. Open up about your insecurities, fears, or any other emotions you might be dealing with. 

And remember, this isn’t about guilt-tripping your partner or seeking validation. It’s about sharing your genuine feelings.

Honesty and transparency can do wonders for a relationship. Not only will it bring you closer, but it may also shed light on things that you may not have noticed. 

Maybe your partner doesn’t even see the things you’re feeling insecure about. Or maybe they do, but they love you regardless. And wouldn’t that be nice to know?

3. Work on Self-Improvement

Remember when I said earlier that we’re all works in progress? Well, if you feel your partner deserves better, you can always strive to become that ‘better.’ 

This is not about changing who you are to fit someone else’s mold but about striving to be the best version of yourself.

Find areas where you think you could improve and take concrete steps to work on them. Is it patience that you lack? Try meditation or mindfulness exercises. 

Do you wish to be more adventurous? Plan an outdoor activity or travel. Want to be more understanding? Read books or articles about empathy and active listening.

What’s important is that you are taking these steps for you, not just for your partner. Self-improvement should always be about bettering yourself first and foremost. This way, even if the relationship doesn’t work out in the long run, you have grown as a person.

4. Use Appreciation

When you feel your partner deserves better

Let’s not forget the power of appreciation. If you feel your partner deserves better, perhaps what you’re trying to say is they deserve to be appreciated more. So why not do it? 

Show your partner that you appreciate them for who they are and what they bring to the relationship.

This doesn’t have to be through grand gestures (although if that’s your thing, by all means, go ahead!). 

It can be through small actions that show your partner you notice and value them. Compliment them, help them out with their chores, or simply spend quality time with them.

Showing appreciation helps build a positive environment and reinforces your love and respect for each other. So, no more holding back. It’s time to let your partner know just how much they mean to you.

5. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is not just a fancy term, but a fundamental element of a healthy relationship. It’s about understanding your own emotions and those of your partner, regulating them, and handling interactions judiciously and empathetically. 

Take the time to tune into your emotions and understand them. Don’t push them away or ignore them. Similarly, tune into your partner’s emotions as well. 

This helps in developing a deeper level of understanding and communication between the two of you. It’s not just about being aware of the emotions but also understanding them, accepting them, and dealing with them in a healthy way.

Strive to become more empathetic. Try to see things from your partner’s perspective. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything your partner says or does. It just means understanding their point of view. 

In the grand scheme of things, this leads to a healthier and stronger bond, reducing the likelihood of feeling that your partner deserves better.

6. Practice Self-Love

It’s easy to forget about ourselves when we’re in a relationship. We often end up prioritizing our partners and their needs, forgetting that we, too, need some love and care. 

Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to love and take care of yourself to be able to love and care for others truly.

Start by taking care of your physical health. Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get adequate sleep. 

Then, pay attention to your mental and emotional health. Engage in activities that you love, take time out for yourself, and surround yourself with positive vibes.

Accepting yourself, flaws and all, is also a major part of self-love. Once you start loving yourself, you’ll naturally feel more confident and secure in your relationship. This will, in turn, diminish the feeling that your partner deserves better. It’s a win-win!

7. Maintain a Balance

Better partner

Maintaining a balance in your relationship is essential. This means understanding and respecting each other’s individuality and ensuring that there’s a healthy balance between “me” time and “we” time. 

Because let’s be honest, spending every waking moment together can be quite exhausting and even suffocating for some.

On the other hand, not spending enough quality time can lead to feelings of disconnect. It’s essential to find that sweet spot that works for both of you. 

This balance also extends to giving and taking in the relationship. It’s essential to ensure that both you and your partner contribute to the relationship equally and that one person isn’t carrying the whole load.

Striking this balance helps create a healthier, happier relationship, reducing the likelihood of feeling like your partner deserves better. 

So, take the time to find your balance, and remember, it’s okay to adjust and readjust as you both grow and evolve in your relationship.

8. Remain Patient and Committed

There’s no magic formula to instantly banish feelings of inadequacy or instantly become the perfect partner. And honestly, there’s no such thing as a perfect partner. It’s all about growth, learning, and continuous improvement.

Patience is crucial here. Allow yourself the time to grow and improve. Don’t rush the process, and don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s essential to commit to the process of self-improvement and relationship growth. 

This isn’t just about the big decisions or grand gestures but also about the small, everyday choices that show your commitment.

Don’t forget, relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. There are ups and downs, and that’s normal. 

What matters is that you stay committed and work through the challenges together. In the end, that’s what makes a relationship stronger and more meaningful.

9. Seek Professional Help

Being better for your partner.

Now, this might seem like a big leap, but it doesn’t have to be. If your feelings of inadequacy become overwhelming or you find it challenging to overcome them, there’s absolutely no shame in seeking help from a professional. 

Whether it’s a counselor, a psychologist, or a relationship coach, these professionals are there to help you navigate your emotions and understand them better.

Therapy can provide a safe space to express your feelings and fears without judgment. Furthermore, a professional can help you realize if your fears are irrational and guide you in dealing with them. 

This doesn’t mean that you’re weak. In fact, seeking help is a sign of strength. It shows that you’re ready to face your issues and take steps to resolve them.

You might think that therapy is reserved for people in the midst of relationship turmoil or personal crisis, but it isn’t. 

Therapy can be a healthy addition to anyone’s life. Remember, taking care of your mental health is as important as taking care of your physical health.


Is it normal to feel like my partner deserves better?

Yes, it’s perfectly normal to feel like your partner deserves better at times. This could stem from a number of factors such as personal insecurities, past experiences, or a simple desire to be the best you can be for your partner. 

It’s important to understand that everyone has moments of self-doubt and it’s a part of being human.

However, if these feelings persist and start affecting your relationship or your mental health, it’s advisable to seek help. 

You can start by opening up about your feelings to your partner or a trusted friend. If it still feels overwhelming, consider seeking professional help like a counselor or a psychologist.

How can I stop feeling inadequate in my relationship?

Feeling inadequate can often stem from low self-esteem or self-confidence. To address this, start by identifying and challenging negative self-beliefs that you may have about yourself. Work on building your self-esteem.

In addition, open communication with your partner about your feelings can be extremely helpful. 

Your partner can provide a different perspective and reassure you. If feelings of inadequacy persist, professional help such as therapy can provide you with tools and techniques to overcome these feelings.

Should I break up with my partner if I constantly feel they deserve better?

Before making any drastic decisions, it’s important to understand why you’re feeling this way. Have an open and honest discussion with your partner about your feelings. 

It’s also advisable to seek professional help such as therapy, as these feelings could be linked to deeper personal issues such as low self-esteem or anxiety.

Breaking up should be the last resort, once you’ve tried addressing the issue in various ways and if you truly believe it’s the best thing for both you and your partner. Remember, no one is perfect, and every relationship has its ups and downs.

How can I communicate to my partner that I feel they deserve better?

Start by clearly expressing your feelings. Be honest and open about why you feel they deserve better. It’s important to communicate in a non-confrontational and calm manner. 

Use “I” statements to express how you feel rather than “you” statements which can seem accusatory.

For example, you could say, “I sometimes feel that you deserve better because I think I need to improve in certain areas.” 

This kind of communication promotes understanding and empathy. It’s also important to reassure your partner that you are committed to the relationship and to self-improvement.

Can therapy help me deal with feelings of inadequacy?

Absolutely! Therapy can be an excellent tool to help you understand and manage feelings of inadequacy. A therapist can help identify potential sources of these feelings, provide techniques to manage them, and help you build your self-esteem.

Remember, seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness, but a step towards self-awareness and improvement. 

It’s about taking care of your mental health, just as you would take care of your physical health. If you feel overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy, it might be beneficial to seek professional help.


All photos from freepik.com

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