I went to see an acquaintance a short while ago. She had previously told me she was preparing for her wedding, so during a conversation, I casually asked, “how are wedding preparations going?”
“Oh, I cancelled it”, she said
“You cancelled your wedding?”, I asked in disbelief.
She replied in the affirmative.
“But why?” I asked again
“There were many issues, he lied about some things, and I did not feel right about continuing with the wedding”, She responded.
I was itching to ask for details, but since we are not very close, I chose not to. However, even the little information she gave shows important reasons why women leave the men they love.
1. There are trust issues
Trust is the glue that holds everything together in a relationship. It is even more crucial if you are looking for something long-term like marriage.
When trust is broken, it may never be fully restored, and if the man has a history of bad behaviour like cheating or lying, women will always doubt their truthfulness.
As a relationship grows, a certain level of full disclosure is needed to make both parties experience transparency and build deeper trust. As the licensed marriage and family therapist, John Amodeo, said,
“We can’t feel safe with a person who is deceiving us or when their actions are not congruent with their words. Authentic, open, trustworthy communication is the life-blood of an intimate relationship.”
If a woman leaves the man she loves due to trust issues, it implies that the underlying problem is too great to ignore, and when things fall apart, the center cannot hold.
Also read: 7 Signs You’re In The Right Relationship
2. Conflicting plans for their lives
“Living together and establishing a family together certainly require love — but much more than that, they require the ability to help each other flourish,” wrote author and philosopher, Aaron Ben-Ze’ev
In long-term relationships, compatibility includes couples having similar plans for their lives in terms of marriage, work location, family building, and belief systems.
A man may not want to get married while the woman does, or vice versa. A man may wish to have children, a woman may not, and vice versa.
Distance in terms of location may also be an issue if the man chooses to take a job in a place with different time zones; for example, it may be challenging to maintain such a relationship.
The two may also have different beliefs about religion, culture and outlook on life.
All these factors are too significant to ignore. Even if the woman loves the man. She might choose to walk away.
Sometimes couples need to be able to make compromises for their relationships to work. However, one cannot compromise on issues of beliefs. Some compromises are just too costly.
3. The woman feels pressured
One word that came up in my discussion with my acquaintance is “pressure”. She talked about how she did not want to feel pressured into marriage even when she felt it was not right.
Society often prescribes what an ideal woman should be and do. Even in this century after all the rights women have fought for, women are made to feel like they are incomplete without a man.
Women who are not yet married are constantly reminded that their biological clock is ticking, and even the ones who are married are taught that a wife should be a certain way, have children, keep a home, and the list is endless.
Pressure from a man or society can affect a woman’s psychological wellbeing, so she might be pushed to leave the relationship to protect herself.
4. Lack of intimacy
What’s a romantic relationship without intimacy?
Some men forget that women are sexual beings, and this does not only mean actual sexual intercourse. A gentle touch, sensual kisses, and an emotional connection are the gateways to beautiful lovemaking.
Some men think mindless sex and dry kisses or groping make up for intimacy. In other instances, the man might be great at giving the woman pleasure but is emotionally unavailable. And this makes the woman unable to pour out her heart to him in a way that she feels he gets her; even if she does, he does not respond in the same way.
Emotional connection is crucial to women; that is why most women would rather only sleep with men that they have such a connection with.
A woman would rather be single than be stuck in a relationship where intimacy is lacking.
5. Emotional (or physical) abuse
Women hardly open up when they are being abused by the men they love. Sometimes they feel embarrassed to admit the abuse or are trying to protect the man because they think he made a mistake.
Yet still, some women find the courage to walk out of abusive relationships. It does not matter if the abuse is emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual. Research shows that abuse of all forms is detrimental to a person’s overall well-being.
No amount of love is worth enduring abuse for.
It is heartbreaking when women have to walk away from the men they love. In some cases, they will choose to stay if the man changes, but that is a risk.
Old habits die hard, and people need to feel genuinely convicted about their behaviour before change happens. We can’t make them.
Women stay where they are safe, feel appreciated, can connect emotionally, and have trust in the man.
Of course, it is not easy for men too when the women they love walk out of a relationship. They may have a different perspective on why the woman left; some might even say the woman’s demands are unrealistic.
They say love conquers all, and since I’m a sucker for love, I recommend that couples seek therapy or a way to mend the fracture in the relationship. Some issues can be worked out, except in the case of abuse, then I’m no expert to advise.
If a man wants to keep his relationship intact, he must avoid these five causes.